It was the week before Memorial weekend, a Tuesday or Wednesday I think. It was beautiful weather wise, so hubby and the kids were both outside doing their thing. I take times like that to relax and be "alone" its my zen time. So as per my usual alone time I was playing Pogo on the computer and kind of half watching what ever was on TV when I see my rather large fluffy white cat walk by. I put down my hand so he could rub on me and I could scratch behind his ear, again like usual. He began to walk away after his moment of lovin when I noticed a dark spot hanging from his behind. I thought it was just a little "hanger on" , Ya know a "Klingon", he is a long haired cat after all its not uncommon to have to pull a lil dingle berry from his backside. So dutifully I went to the kitchen and got a few paper towels to grab the offending dangler. After half scratching, half grabbing the back of his neck to control the front I went in for the kill on the other end with a hand full of paper towels. Of coarse he did the exact move that every living thing with a butt seems to do automatically when accosted unexpectedly, knees buckle and hind quarters pull in as far as it will go, at the same time head spins around and gives dirty look. It was at this exact moment (I can almost pin point the second) that 2 things happened almost simultaneously, I realized that what was now smeared on my only paper covered hand was not in fact a stiff ball of poo but a very smeary mess of crap which is also now all over the cats ass, the second thing was my hubby yelling for me to come and talk to the neighbor about something kind of important. I was literally at a loss, I couldnt let the cat go, lord knows what he could rub his butt on! I couldnt just ignore hubby yelling and deal with the cat, not to mention the crap filled paper towel in my hand. I did the only thing I could, dragged my now pissed cat by the scruff the foot or so to the trash and got rid of one of my problems. I then grabbed him by the mid section carefully holding the rear end way out and to the side and picked him up. Opened the door pissed shitty cat in hand and yelled "Cant talk now the cat had an accident" slammed the door with my foot, somehow managed to get one of my plastic cleaning gloves on and headed straight to the bathtub. By this time the kids are in the house and laughing like hyenas at the poor poopy feline.
Now a little back story here, I have given the cat a bath before, he dosent like it at all but he does not go all frenzied Freddy on me luckily. So when I shut the door and got him into the tub my hand moved straight to scruff again, I knew that was pretty much all I needed in order to control him. He knew what was coming too as soon as I turned on the water he started to bounce so I knew I had to be fast. I pumped soap from the sink into my hand then sudsed up his butt (with the gloved hand). Now I am scrubbing cat ass, and the kids keep opening the bathroom door to laugh at the wet cat. All I can picture at this point is the cat leaping from my grasp and out the door with his now soapy, shitty rear, even worse is that he goes down into the basement and hides in the dirt floored corner area. So this image in mind I am yelling at the kids to shut the door, dealing with a wiggly cat and trying to finish washing the crap out of his butt fur. All the noise causes my hubby to come in and find out what happened apparently because just about the time I start rinsing the cat his head pokes in the bathroom. I tried to briefly explain the situation as he chased the kids off but didnt get too far when I noticed him TRYING not to laugh. I wasnt in to much of a haha mood at this point (its fucking hilarious now but not at that moment) so that did nothing for my situation.
After my part was done and the cat clean I let him out of the bathroom, we were both happy it was over I am sure. Weird thing is he runs only 4 feet or so from the bathroom to the middle of the kitchen floor and began to lick himself, no lie he did this for almost 45min straight only stopping long enough to shoot me an evil look. At this point you might think the story is over and nope, no such luck, buahhahahaha. Later in the evening hubby was cutting somthing and it gave me the bright idea to clip most of the hair from the cats butt so we could avoid having this problem again in the near future. He held the front I worked gingerly in the back to remove the hair from around his butt with scissors. It was quite a sight just ask my mother in law who came in right in the middle of that scene. And my husband wonders why we have a poped water tube with the funniest little slit in it that has pretty much messed up our bed. We now have to get a foam insert for our bed.....and oh ya the poped tube was on MY side of the bed.
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